My Hundos. They Exist for Reasons.

What’s the point in running if you don’t feel happiness from it? There isn’t one.

I started running in 6th grade because it gave me a sense of happiness no matter what crazy was happening around me. Over the years, the most strict I got was on the Boston Marathon training plans. It was like high school with more miles. So, really, it was high school running that made me happy. I was naive. I did what felt good. That’s all running was to me. I loved it and I love it once again.

While unemployed, more miles felt good. So, I built miles. That was it. I was like, “I wonder if I can do this…” and pushed my miles up more. It started with 100 and went straight to 140 after a year of hundos. It felt really cool. It was for me.

I don’t think I can ever explain what made me think I needed other people involved in my running. The closest I came to explaining it was a lack of confidence that held me back in a lot of areas; not just running. Lack of confidence was the root of the problem.

When I was laid off, I felt worthless. Yeah, I know, everybody else was laid off too blah blah blah. But, for those of us who like a daily routine and purpose, that totally sucked. As I said previously, a bad job was worse than no job.

So, feeling down and hopeless, I went to the one thing I thought I was good at – running. I treated it like my job and had daily routines. Then I needed a boss, any boss. I chose a bad boss but it was a boss. I needed somebody to tell me what to do in a day even if the job was easy, which running was and is for me. I didn’t care who the boss was. So, it became the first person to come along and that was the start of a long line of problems.

I didn’t quit with a bad running boss. I kept trying to climb the ladder like it was a corporate job. I contacted a Michigan elite distance running team and they met with me. I would have gone to them if it hadn’t been for meeting a former team member just weeks before my meeting with them. She also ran up to 140 miles a week and had to sneak miles with them. They restricted what she wanted to do and made running bad for her. I dropped her name when I met with them and asked questions I wouldn’t have asked if I hadn’t met her. Meeting her saved my butt.

Between taking the legendary addict coach back again and then talking to an elite team near me now in Boulder, I started to realize I was hooked on being told what to do. Why? I know how to run. I know what to do to run fast. Why do I need people making money off me and telling me what to do even when it doesn’t work for me?

I had been burned by the addict coach, discovered that the well-known Michigan team was incredibly inflexible and now I was chasing a coach in Colorado? Why? And the coach in Colorado is an overweight guy who doesn’t even run. Once I saw him in person, I just had some kind of epiphany…and changed my track day so I didn’t have to live with my stupidity anymore. I even use another CU track just to avoid him because it is so wrong. He just made a career off runners who made themselves already. He’s hooked up with a “board” to figure out how to make more money off clueless runners. Why do I need this? I don’t. I don’t need or want any of it.

I’m smart but my confidence is kind of “meh” and I realize that now. As my high school coach said, “Always be a student of the sport”. That guy ran through CANCER until he couldn’t walk anymore and died (RIP Mr. Kirk. Burn and Soar, Soar and Burn. Slay the dragon ..that was our pre-race cheer). He wasn’t some fat dude cutting a check from others who did the work. From his words, I know I already have the knowledge to run well. I took him for granted while he was alive but he rules my running more than ever now. I don’t need a drunk coach or an overweight coach looking to make money or fame off me. I can run fast or slow on my own as it makes me happy.

I run what makes me happy. If I want to run 140/week, I will. I’m not in the running game to make money, get attention, or please others. I just like waking up in the morning and going to sleep at night with a run. If I happen to get fast, cool. If I don’t, cool.

Elite running camps and coaches looking to get famous off a fast chicks strip the life balance. There’s even been a recent elite who gave up college to run for Salazar of all people. Girls (and guys), get your degree and career because as soon as you’re not pleasing those who control you, you will be wrecked. Elite and pro running is far from regulated and anybody can say they are a coach. I don’t just want to run. I may be a late bloomer, but I know what I want in life after much exploring. I want to be a software engineer. I want to be financially independent. I want to be healthy. And most importantly, I want to stay happy.

I know I mention it a lot, but I see the fallen runners that I bumped into and I don’t want to be THAT. I don’t want a huge ego based on a veil of Facebook chatter and photos to raise a pseudo-social-status. I want real life accomplishments, a family, a strong career even greater than I have now, and genuine happiness. I feel better than ever taking back my running because I know it was the original building block for me. It kept me focused. It gave me friends. And now, it continues to bring me above the bottom-feeders who are so angry and refuse to do anything with their lives. To the people who tried (and apparently still try) to mooch off me and try to bring me down: Stay transient. Stay angry. Be at the bottom because it’s your own fault. It’s what you work for. You could have been something but you blew it and won’t take responsibility messing up your academics, career and running. It’s nobody’s fault but your own. You still can pull through though. In the meantime…It’s amazing to be me again.

Maybe I’ll crank a hundo-40 this week. Maybe I won’t. ;)

Run happy. Run strong. Run proud. :)

-Kim