2017: Hit the Ground Running.

Just a note to get started.

I’ve been quiet. I’ve been hidden. I’ve let some bad apples in the running world get to me. I’ve silently let them win for too long. But anyway, here’s the start. The bullies want a reaction? Here ya go. Adult bullying is ridiculous. You know who you are and what you’ve done and continue to do and it’s a sad way to live, especially in the running world. You motivate me to keep being a stronger person who can stand up for herself. It was a missing lesson in my life and you helped me learn it. Mental strength is a powerful part of running, education, and happiness and I lacked it.

For me it’s going to be a raw, honest climb and I’m going to be open about how it is. If there’s one thing I got, it’s blunt honesty. I’ve spent ages 27-34 doing something totally different than what I thought I would. I had such a clear thought in my mind during my first year of independent running in 2000 where I believed these exact years were going to be some crazy, focused, peak in athleticism. While I should have been paying attention in Comp Sci 101, I read some theory about those being “prime running years” and that’s a crock of shite. I was wrong and I’m not even mad. These exact years turned out to be a focus on developing the rest of life that running overshadowed. I grew up.

Running took over my education, my career, my social life and myself. I physically hammered and obsessed over miles and times from age 11-27. I left engineering school and their XC team to keep training with an unhealthy group who met on the same campus. It was easier than doing math and working with a college team. I took the easy route again and again. Just running was easy. I didn’t care about career successes because I had “local hero” successes in running. I hung with people who were similar. No jobs or mediocre jobs they hated. Neglecting family for runs. Just too focused on running despite it not being a sustainable money-maker or lifestyle. Delusional big fish in a small pond, if that. I take full responsibility for making the choices I did and I have learned from mistakes, and how to keep better company.

I ran through constant injuries and burn-outs. I ran because that’s all I could see. I was en route to schlepping shoes at a running store for life and forgetting my dreams of becoming an engineer and traveling and having cool things and hobbies. Even my favorite sport, sailing, was forgotten for the most part. I’ve since purchased another Hobie 16. I’ve since gone back to engineering school. (I paid attention in Comp Sci 101 this time!) I’ve since gotten back on a route to who I want to be. And now it’s time to do what has become a challenge: running.

I asked to be coached last April unsure if I was ready. I wasn’t but I knew I needed some support dealing with aforementioned running demons and it helped. I have a great coach who’s not only educated in the sport but also a great guy with a normal, healthy life surrounded by more healthy, friendly people and family. I’ll forever credit my time in Indiana for making me a better person and I know I still and will always have much to learn.

Over the past 8 months of being coached, I’ve had plenty of false starts but I no longer feel alone in the running world. Sure, I can blame being too busy or stressed, but I just wasn’t ready and I was being weak. Coach has built up strength in me to face some people who work hard to keep me down. And, yes, they “won” plenty of times and that’s what they want. Now, when the bad guys show up in my world, I feel nothing from the negativity and can stand up for myself. This was the most important lesson to learn. Good support changes everything for the better and in the past few weeks, I’ve had some crazy itch telling me I’m ready to go. Coach did a “reset” for me a few weeks back. There’s a single goal set. There’s focus. There’s desire. And things are going to be OK.

So, I’m putting it all out there; not only to keep myself in check, but also to share with other runners who want to start or come back. I’m not alone and neither are you. Taking an idea from Tracy Green’s Blog (Girl, you motivate me and that’s no easy task.), there’s gonna be some recaps and thoughts and times. Sure, it’s gonna be ugly but it’s also going to be awesome. I definitely had a great time doing fun runs for a bunch of years, but that hardcore racing itch can’t be ignored when it does come back.

Thanks to coach and some great friends and family, I’m ready and even I believe it now.

And thank you, Sean, for being a great boyfriend through all this.